The moment I learned that I was pregnant was unforgettable. My mind was immediately filled with so many emotions: excitement, worry, anxiety and an overwhelming amount of hope that this would be a healthy pregnancy. As the pregnancy progressed, I read so many books and blogs about motherhood, sleep schedules, daily routines, and more. Like many new mothers, I was trying to do my best to prepare for raising a child. Even though I was a kinder and first grade school teacher for several years, I really didn’t have much experience with babies. This was ALL new to me, but I was determined to learn as much as possible.
However, the topic of breastfeeding was different. Before George arrived, I was never really worried about it. I saw so many people posting these BEAUTIFUL photos breastfeeding. It just looked so natural and effortless, I guess you could say I assumed it would be the same for me. And while that might be true for many, I just didn’t have that experience.
Breastfeeding has become one of the hardest, yet most rewarding, parts of motherhood. So today, I want to share my experiences with breastfeeding. I hope that you find it relatable and encouraging. Please know that everyone will have a different experience. Some may find breastfeeding easy, while others may find it impossible. After experiencing the highs and lows of breastfeeding, I do not judge anyone for the way they’ve decided to feed their child. Whether a mother is breastfeeding, formula or a combination of both, at the end of the day, they have to do what works best for their child and themself.
MY “PLAN”
Shortly before George arrived, my “plan” was to breastfeed exclusively for 6 months. I set this timeline without much thought and I didn’t really have a backup plan. During my pregnancy Austin and I took several birthing and parenting classes, CPR and First aid and had a Doula I talked with regularly. But breastfeeding wasn’t something I studied or sought advice on. I also didn’t research formulas or consider other options because, by all means, I was going to breastfeed. Well, things went a little different.
…AND WHAT REALLY HAPPENED
The day George was born was truly the most wonderful day of my life. Meeting my son for the first time filled my heart with pure joy and gratitude. But it was also the day that I felt a new worry in my heart. It’s true what they say: “Whether a one month old baby or 40 year old adult, a mother never stops worrying about her children.”
After the delivery, my wonderful nursing staff immediately assisted me to start breastfeeding. My lactation consultant was in the room and we were all so impressed that George had latched on and appeared to be eating. I remember thinking to myself, “Wow! This really is so easy”.
After some time feeding, he started to fall asleep. With George seemingly fed and content, I put him down to sleep. About an hour later, he woke up crying and unhappy. I started to nurse again. He latched on and everything again seemed to be going smooth.
After a few cycles of this, we noticed him shaking and having what appeared to be tremors. We called the nurse and advised that she perform a blood test. The results of the test showed that his blood sugar was very low. The most likely cause was that he was not getting the nourishment he needed. While it appeared George was breastfeeding correctly, he was not successfully transferring enough milk. I was heartbroken, filled with guilt and frankly ashamed. How could something so natural be so hard for me.
We grew very concerned. Later, we also learned that he also had a tongue tie and needed it to be “clipped”. After he had that done, we thought that might fix the breastfeeding issue. The nurses continued to monitor his blood sugar over the next two days but his levels did not improve. Our emotions were taxed with every blood test. After being encouraged by promising numbers from one test, our hopes were dashed with the next. But after a few days in the hospital and supplementing with donor milk, George’s blood sugar levels began to normalize and we were able to go home.
The doctor told me that my feeding options were pumping, donor milk, formula or a mix of both. We continued to see our Lactation Consultant for the first couple weeks in hopes that we could figure out how to successfully breastfeed, but it wasn’t in the cards for us.
I remember Austin literally ran to Walmart that night and bought this breast pump (love this one, I had the Medela in the hospital and wanted to buy that one but they only had the Spectra, I actually ended up liking it better) glass bottles (we loved Dr. Browns 4oz but the larger size would leak on us, the Comotomo and Brezza are amazing!) and started to create a schedule.
OUR FEEDING SCHEDULE
I knew pumping exclusively wouldn’t be easy, but I really wanted to make it work. I put so much pressure on myself and I honestly thought that if I didn’t give him breastmilk I failed. Why would I even think that?
I don’t judge my friends on how they feed their babies, so why would I judge myself?
I pumped exclusively for the first 2.5 months. He ate every three hours, so I would pump and Austin would feed. I felt so sad that I couldn’t feed my own son. Not to mention the anxiety I felt if my supply was low.
George started eating so much at 2.5 months that I physically could not keep up. I was getting overwhelmed, anxious and started feeling depressed about being hooked up to a pump for at least an hour per session just to produce one 5 oz bottle. I knew it was time to do something to help my mental wellbeing and be a better mom for George. My pediatrician was amazing and helped me find a formula that worked for us and create a plan for supplementing. It wasn’t easy for me to accept, but I knew it was the right thing to do for our family.
We started with supplementing one bottle a day and I immediately felt less stress. She even helped me find a way to stop pumping and try breastfeeding again. We figured why not try it AND give him the bottle. Our theory was if he finishes the bottle consistently after nursing, we have a good idea that he isn’t transferring. But if he doesn’t finish his bottle then that might mean he is actually getting nourishment from me.
We started that 2 weeks ago and it worked. It actually worked! Now, I can’t exclusively breastfeed or anything, but I can give him an ounce or two per feeding session before the formula bottle. I am so thankful that we found a plan that worked for us and I get to experience a glimpse of breastfeeding.
Our current feeding schedule (he’s almost 14 weeks old and eating close to 6oz per session):
7:45a Breastfeed 20mins + 4oz Formula
11:00a 5.5oz Formula
1:00p Breastfeed 20 mins + 4oz Formula
4:00p 5.5oz Formula
8:00p Breastfeed 20 mins + 4oz Formula
10:30p Final Feed – Breastfeed 20 mins + 5 oz Formula
This schedule works for us because if I have a work conflict or can’t breastfeed at that exact time, we give him a formula bottle and breastfeed the next time.
TOOLS THAT HELP WITH FEEDING
So if you are using formula you have to get the Baby Brezza — think Keurig of baby formula. Just press a button and it gives you a warm, perfectly mixed bottle in under 10 seconds. You know every second counts when you have a screaming, hungry baby. Just be sure to clean it out regularly because it will remind you and it can be annoying. Still 100% worth it though. Walmart also has the glass bottles which are so easy to clean and do not leak at all. Oh and don’t forget the grass drying rack for the bottles. I thought I would “never need one”. HA — I was crazy.
If you are breastfeeding, stock up on some nursing PJs. These are a lifesaver during late night feedings.
If you are pumping, you 100% need a handsfree pumping bra (size down, you want this snug). I went one day without mine and never again. I have 3 just incase one get’s lost, dirty or breaks…I will not pump without this. This was a game changer and allowed me to at least get some work done if I had to be hooked up to my pump.
Like I said earlier, it doesn’t matter HOW you feed your baby. What matters is that you do what’s best for your family, your baby and your mental and physical wellbeing. At the end of the day, we are all trying our best and we shouldn’t feel ashamed of how we feed our baby. Don’t forget, no one knows how to love your baby quite like you.
But tell me, how was your experience? If you have any advice for new momma’s drop a comment below! xx Ashley
This post was written in collaboration with Walmart for Breastfeeding Awareness Month.
These are some of my favorite photos of you and George! He loves his mama so much! And I can attest he is the HAPPIEST baby I’ve ever met! You are a wonderful mother and the care and thought you put into feeding, loving, and raising him is truly a gift. He is one happy and healthy boy and SO lucky to have you as his mama!
I love your blog! There are a lot of helpful posts. Thanks! ❤️ Actually, I don’t know why, but supplements did nothing to my supply. I’ve tried everything. Fenugreek, mothers milk tea, lactation cookies, power pumping, the list goes on. Even so, I still struggle with supply.
We still had to supplement with formula for awhile because baby had lost quite a bit of weight and domperidone doesn’t work overnight. You actually have to stimulate your boobs to produce more milk so for about one month, we would nurse, supplement a couple ounces of formula, and then pump for 20 minutes. At each feeding. It wasn’t easy, but it was SO worth it! I nursed until baby was 2.
You are doing amazing work. First off, this is a well written post. My husband and I had been trying for 2 years. We both were checked out to make sure there were no major issues with either of us regarding why we hadnt gotten pregnant yet. We read that a lot of people have success on the 2nd round of Clomid! I am now 11 weeks pregnant and would definitely recommend Clomid for anyone who hasnt gotten pregnant after at least a year of trying and is unsure why. I am not sure if I just wasnt ovulating or what, but Clomid worked for me!! My insurance didn’t cover it, but I got it. So happy 😊 my friend gave me this code ‘CLO24PRG’ ❤️ and she said ‘just Google it’. Goof luck to all!
thank you for sharing this beautiful journey
Thank you so much for sharing! 🖤
I can relate to a lot of the things you went through even though our journey was so different. And my respect to you that you pumped for an hour/session! How did you do that?
We knew halfway through the pregnancy that our baby would be born very sick and would have to stay in the NICU for weeks or months. So I knew I would be pumping full-time at first and also knew that I’d get the Medela pump. But I still always envisioned myself nursing, too.
Luckily my supply was really good the first 5 months (he was born in November and we’re currently using February milk – but he also didn’t reach full feeds until he was 12wks old).
Unfortunately we had to wait for our baby to have a heart surgery to get of strong ventilator settings. Until then it would’ve been to dangerous to feed orally. By the time he first got introduced to a bottle/nipple he was already 4 months old…
He’s now over 9 months and I’m still pumping exclusively. He never had a chance to learn how to breastfeed and has a bad meltdown every time we try – which makes me feel horrible! It’s seriously my least favorite feeling.
I now use ELVIE pump during the day which is a life changer. When we finally got to take him home (I’m by myself with the baby during the day) I kept forgetting to pump and probably messed with my supply… with the elvie I can do it in the car to doctors appointments or while doing something around the house.
Maybe it’s because of the ELVIE but I still don’t own a pumping bra…
The only bottle he’ll take and drink at least 1oz or so is the KIINDE one. I also highly recommend the bags. It’s so nice to directly pump into them and the screw top makes them nice and easy to use, too.
I’m really sad that neither our baby our I ever got to know what it’s like to breastfeed, and he missed out on so much since he had to fight so hard in the beginning, but I’m really glad that even though I feel kinda done with pumping… it’s something I can give him and that hopefully helps him thrive. (I think feeding your baby formula is perfectly fine as well! In our situation it just sometimes feels that the milk is probably the only “normal” thing he’s getting…)
Sorry for this lengthy message but your post inspired me to share. I hope that was ok 😉
Love this and thank you for sharing! Makes us new moms feel a little more “normal” that we are all figuring out our little people’s journey!
Thank you for being so honest! This is such an amazing post.
Such a great post! As a NICU nurse, I always stress to mothers that fed is always best, but there is so much pressure on moms to exclusively breastfeed. So many women will not produce enough even if they try everything and feel so guilty and ashamed. It’s hard enough to be a mother, and it’s always so hard for me to see mothers beating themselves up over it, or to witness other moms putting them down for not being able breastfeed. I hope that we can always be supportive of one another as women and only lift each other up. Motherhood is soooo hard. Thanks for the post and your honesty!
This is a great post– so helpful and honest. Breastfeeding, even when everything goes as planned, is HARD! I don’t think any first time mom is truly prepared for the reality of it. I breastfed, pumped, and supplemented my 3 babies, and my experience with each one was very different. I was just like you though; so hard on myself. I’m glad you were able to find a plan that works for you.
If you haven’t tried it yet, the rumina pumping/nursing bra is my favorite and you don’t have to change every time you pump!
I was so pumped thinking about my breastfeeding journey with my little bug. And her first latch was great according to staff so that was exciting. Came home nursed/pumped but the stress of it all just took its toll and I felt like such an out of body experience of not being me and being the best mom/wife/person. That extra stress of being tethered by the boob and/or pump (I did both because husband wanted to share in the feeding experience and bond) took its toll on my supply. After about 2.5 months I made the decision to finish off what I had pumped and transition to formula for my own sanity and knowing it would be best for baby and me. And everyone around me. Currently have the happiest, bubbly, 13 month old girl and I am in one of the happiest places.
Thank you for sharing your breastfeeding story. My first time experience wasn’t a positive one and as I am expecting our second child it has forced me to reconsider the whole breastfeeding. Your schedule might be one that I’d be interested in trying if the second time around doesn’t go well. Thank you again for sharing your story
Thanks for sharing, you’re such an amazing mom to George! I think the pressure that is put on moms to exclusively breastfeed is absurd. I have a 6 month son and we had a very difficult breastfeeding journey in the beginning, but are lucky to have made it through and still going. It’s what has worked for us best but I think everyone has a different journey and of all the things to worry about with being a new mom, that’s such an unfair pressure to put on Mothers. Thanks again for sharing!
Thanks for bringing truth to this topic. I didn’t have a similar situation but I do remember how hard it was finding a schedule, middle of the night feedings, anxiety …totally get that.
You’re doing amazing momma!
On the verge of tears as this brought me back to my experience feeding my babies. Wish more women talked openly about how tough breastfeeding is. Also hate the stigma about giving your baby formula. Creates a unrealistic mentality for mothers who are already go through so much physically and mentally. Of everything else, FEEDING your baby is the most important.
Oh my. This gives me all the feels, Ashley.
I remember crying to my pediatrician telling her I felt like I failed as a mom because I couldn’t breastfeed after 6 weeks. I had a LC, took supply vitamins, did ALLLL the tricks and my supply literally went to zero after 6 weeks. I was truly devastated and felt so much shame and guilt. My baby boy is 6 months now and has been on formula since. I’ve learned to move past the shame and accept that there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with my journey, your journey or the next persons journey. I know the feeling you are going through (or went through) and you have to remind yourself that you are doing A WONDERFUL JOB and that a happy momma is a healthy momma.
Beautiful photos! Thank you for opening up about this. I wanted to ask you a question about transitioning to formula. We talked with our pediatrician but I wanted to see what worked for you. Thanks!
I had a very similar experience and the pressure we feels as moms is unlike anything else. I love that you are sharing this and helping new moms understand that “fed is best” and they there is no right way to do this.
Ladies, you put too much pressure on yourselves. Take it from someone who is 58 years old. I breast fed my son for 6 weeks and went back to work…yikes. I couldn’t keep up with him so had to stop. My daughter I breast fed for 4 months. She eventually weaned herself and just wanted a bottle. Both are strong, independent and successful. Your love for your children and joy is the best parenting. (And a few rules as they get older) Trying to live by a “plan” or what social media says you should be doing creates a stressful mommy.
Take joy, relax and go with the flow.
Oh I am over here in tears because I can feel all the love you have for George! Nursing is HARD, stressful, time consuming, all of the things you said. I too stress over this when at the end of the day a fed baby is best! Hearing your story makes me feel better about how much I stress over making enough milk! We should be proud we have even tried as hard as we do! All of us are in this together! You go mama!!! 💕
Great read.
I got married in 2016, I am 27 years old. i am so happy to be a mother of my first baby girl weighed 8 pounds, 8 ounces and was 20.5 inches long when she was born on Oct. 29, i have been trying to conceive for over 2 years now, after i suffered a miscarriage. But after holding our sweet girl in my arms and being told everything went well and she had made it to us safely I could have cared less. My/our world no longer has anything to do with us but everything to do with her. It’s all for her, one day i was just on the internet searching for how i can get pregnant fast. i came across some testimonial giving by some women and it was all about Dr micheal casper then i said to myself let me give it a try and know if it will work for me, after using his recommended natural pregnancy herbs and medication am so proud to be a mother, thank you so much Doctor for making me a happy mother. I will forever do anything for this girl that I love more than I ever could imagine. A love no one can ever prepare you for, if you know you are having the same problem i had before conceiving kindly contact my doctor via email: michaelcasper@dr.com
Another breastfeeding journey blog post that I came across that the readers might enjoy reading,
https://maaofallblogs.com/the-reality-of-my-breastfeeding-journey.html/