Today I’m honored to be back with another ‘5 Women On‘ topic. You might remember that I asked a handful of inspiring women to share how they’re balancing motherhood + Quarantine back in April (which is still just as relevant). The article got a great response and I truly enjoyed learning from the other mothers in the article, and it sounds like you did, too. With that, I wanted to keep this going.
In today’s post, I asked 5 new women to share their thoughts on a trend among females: comparison. We all know how deep this can creep into our lives if we let it, but I already feel more equipped with handling comparison after reading the advice below. I love how there are tactical pieces of advice for effectively avoiding (or dealing with) the comparison game. Many of which I’ve started implementing myself. I hope you enjoy their words!
xx Ashley
STEPHANIE TAYLOR JACKSON
As much as I love what I do, this industry can really tear you down if you let it. I definitely have my moments where I feel unworthy or not enough but what I try to always remind myself of is:
—There’s only 1 person in this world who is ME. I can’t compare myself to another person in this industry or in life, because I am not them, and they are not me. Who knows what their journey looked like?
—Instead of comparing, I try to constantly find ways to elevate myself both personally and professionally to be the best Stephanie I can be (time with God, books, education, time with myself). Bring your best in everything you do, constantly push yourself to evolve and grow … never be complacent … when you’re so focused on your own development, you’ll see how quickly you forget about the distractions/comparisons around you.
—Comparison is a natural feeling I think we all deal with. Instead of allowing it to bring me down, I try to pause and understand why I’m feeling that way. Am I jealous? Frustrated that it hasn’t happened for me yet? Am I just being a hater?! Ha! Whatever it is, I try to focus on that feeling and what I’m going to do to fix/heal ME, as opposed to being upset about what someone else is doing.
KAT TANITA
It’s so easy to compare ourselves to others. As someone who has made a career from social media, trust me I know! But the thing we need to all remember is, no one’s life is perfect no matter how perfect or put together it may look from the outside. The 15-30 second daily clips we see on Stories or the 1 photo we see of someone on our feed isn’t representative of what goes on in a person’s life for the other 23 hours 59 minutes of their day, you know? So just remember that and be grateful for things that are often taken for granted: health, safety, and loved ones – when you start comparing yourself to others.
Lastly, we are all unique! Embrace that! Don’t try to hide your uniqueness or mold to something you think you should be to fit in. Be proud of what makes you, YOU – our quirks are often our most endearing qualities. Showing them and being vulnerable with others is where real connection comes from.”
The grass isn’t always greener, haha! It’s true! Practicing gratitude will really make a huge difference if you find yourself in the comparison game.
JULIA HAVENS
—Everything is not as peachy as it may seem. In this day and age, I find myself comparing more than ever with the consumption of social media on a daily basis. You have to remember you are only seeing a snapshot of someone’s life! Whether it’s a picture of a girl in her bathing suit on vacation, or with her “perfect” family, don’t forget there are emotions, hardship & spirit behind those people, just like you. It’s easy to forget that everyone is human, and sometimes we accidentally lift people up on a mental pedestal because of what we see online.
—You are so much more than what you are comparing yourself to. I find when I compare myself to someone, it’s usually within a category. ie; “they are so much more motivated than me”, “they have such a good relationship”, or one of my most frequented “their body is so much better than mine”. As humans, we are multifaceted and unique. You are so much more than your physical self, your accomplishments, and your to-do list. You have talents, passions, and so many gifts to offer (just like the ones you envy in others).
—Stay in your lane. Comparison can become a huge distraction and waste of time because it’s ALL IN YOUR HEAD. Remember you are your only competition in this life. Make your OWN goals and aspirations for yourself and keep your eyes on the prize until you’ve reached them, and don’t get distracted by what others are doing. Of course, we can be inspired by others, learn from them, but your foundation should be sturdy and built by you. Stay in your lane and don’t let comparison be a distraction – it’s inefficient.
—There is only one YOU!I struggled at the beginning of my blogging career and as a young adult to not let the comparison of others influence how I lived my life. Slowly over time, I am trusting more in who I am and my own uniqueness. I always think about the people I admire and look up to the most, and they are all authentically themselves with their own unique personality – not afraid of who they are or trying to “fit in”. It’s SO much cooler (and easier, haha) to be 100% YOU, even if it means exposing some weaknesses or vulnerability at times. For me, something about peeling away the facade builds my confidence and eases the comparison game.
SUYAPA-LUCY HERNANDEZ
Let’s be honest, in an industry that feels like it is dominated by a particular age group, a particular look, and perfectly curated moments, it’s hard not to compare yourself! If I’m being real sometimes it gets the best of me but I always just try to come back to my center by practicing a few things…
—Create relationships. Instagram and social media in general can feel like one big high school clique so I really try to think of it as I would my relationships with my dear girlfriends. How would I treat them? How would I want to be treated by them? This simple practice helps me stay aware of when envy and comparison creep in and not let that win!
—Celebrating my peers’ accomplishments and supporting their endeavors! There’s enough room for everyone and loving others’ uniqueness and what they bring to this industry doesn’t mean I am not enough but that I have something different to offer! I like to drop random notes in the inbox of women/people who I admire. If a friend is launching a product or has a partnership I know means so much to them I love to give them love and to support them!
—I ask for help and learn from others! I am never afraid to ask questions about anything I feel insecure about and wish I knew more about! For example, if I see something I am impressed with or that I wish I knew how to do, I am the first to reach out and ask. And vice versa; I am so honored when people ask me about anything I might have insight with and am happy to share what I know. I find that really eliminates that competitiveness and instead creates community and keeps us all humble!
—Know and celebrate my own worth. We have the bad habit of focusing on all the negative and what we wish we did better instead make a point of celebrating and doing more of what you do well. Leverage your strength and celebrate it!
-Give myself a social media break. Sometimes if it gets to be too much, I have been known to black out social for days! I take this time to focus on what’s most important: family, friendships, and my own mental health. When I come back I find that I am more inspired and have a fresh positive perspective!
SAI DE SILVIA
I think the best way to shake the urge to compare yourself to others is simply to build a great relationship with yourself. Sometimes we confuse what we want and what fuels us with what’s socially acceptable, attractive, or popular. It’s important to know what it is you really truly want out of life and trust that you have the power to create it. Then, you have to put the blinders on a bit and just focus on your own journey. It’s easier said than done, but you should only be competing with the person you were yesterday.
Thank you for the beautiful post!! This is very inspiring.
Wow, two of my favorite blogger/vlogger on here (Kat and Julia Havens) giving advice. Love following their journeys and because of how they’ve stayed in their own lane and be authentic and hard working is why they are so successful.